Am I having fun yet?
I have a confession for you all, and please don’t judge me too hard for it. I was lying in bed last night (Tuesday) and I was annoyed that I couldn’t fall asleep. I tried everything; I counted sheep, I tried to open my window to cool down and I even did some yoga.
But nothing worked. My mind was going a mile a minute, and I kept humming these lyrics in my head over and over, and this is where I have to apologize to you all that read this.
“It’s not like you to say sorry. I was waiting on a different story. This time I’m mistaken, for handing you a heart worth breaking. And I’ve been wrong, I’ve been down, been to the bottom of every bottle. These five words in my head scream ‘are we having fun yet?”
Yes, that is Nickleback, and I love them shamelessly. Chad Kroeger seems to just understand my life and be able to relate, even though in hindsight my life isn’t all that bad.
I recently went through a breakup and it was absolutely horrible (I mean, all breakups are) but it sucked more than normal because I hadn’t done anything wrong; there just wasn’t enough time in his life for me at the moment.
How frustrating is that? I had felt comfortable with someone and in a sick twist of fate (my luck is amazing), there just wasn’t a way to make it work. And as much as I wanted to lay in bed and be depressed, eat ice cream, have some beverages of the wine persuasion and cry, I did that for maybe a day or two.
And then I was okay.
Don’t get me wrong, it was absolutely terrible to be told there wasn’t enough time for me, but as I was lying in bed, I couldn’t help but think of Nickleback’s lyrics. They are known for their tragic songs that make you cry, but in “This is How You Remind Me,” it’s kind of an angry break-up song.
This song brings you back to what you believe in, what you stand for and who you are as a person, and that’s what I needed. I needed to be reminded that I am a strong person, regardless of the circumstances.
I won’t lie and say that I wasn’t hurt because I was. I wanted him to find time for me, and of course, Nickleback had lyrics for that too, and they are filled with anger and sarcasm. That just screams Katie, right?
I won’t pretend that I completely forgot about what happened because I still find myself thinking about him and wondering: why wasn’t I enough to fight for? But I will listen to Nickleback because they have some good lessons.
By the end of the song, Kroeger is okay with the way that things panned out, and he is able to move on. He is happy; he realized his heart was broken but at the end of the day, he knows that he had done everything he could.
I have to tell myself that too.
In the end, I am okay on most days, and if I’m not, then I have my friends, my family and my editors who have my back when I need them. I have people who will build me back up and I will be okay.
I am okay, and for that, I am thankful.